responsibility

I don't wanna grow up. I'm a toys-r-us kid!

I am starting to get more responsibility at work. And it is kinda scary.

yes, I am an engineer by degree, but that doesn't mean that I should be allowed to engineer stuff!

I just feel like peter parker "with great power comes great responsiblity" but the other way around. or something. okay that actually doesn't apply. i don't have great power. i actually have no power.

point is my boss is beginning to trust me with more stuff, and i don't feel like i'm ready for it. i don't feel like i have enough experience or general knowledge to do stuff on my own.

ready for the third random childhood reference for the night? here it is: remember rugrats? I recall one episode where angelica is turning 3 (maybe 4?) and finds out that growing up requires responsibility. and in response she dresses up as a baby and tries to grow down.

random, i know. but i have that thought ingrained in my mind every time i think of responsibility.

this is usually the point that i would connect rugrats to my spiritual life and come to an amazing conclusion. as implied by my last sentence, that wont be happening this time. in all honesty, i dont have a deep connection. my boss is trusting me more and more and i don't want it. i want to be a child and not grow up. its actually a love hate realtionship.

i don't have an answer for this concern of mine. and i am also learning that it is okay to not always have answer. i didn't want to just pose problems to which i have already found a solution, cause that isn't reality. in reality i don't have all my problem solved as soon as they appear. in fact it takes a long time to find a solution. after that long time is when i will typically tell people my problem, along with how i overcame. this time i'm trying it a bit differently. :)